tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87794351650565840642024-03-13T04:58:08.127-07:00Healing From Suicide GriefHealing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-6708014931818006262019-08-20T09:05:00.001-07:002022-03-01T11:20:18.168-08:00Taking Care Of Yourself After Suicide Loss<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: times;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />By Catherine Greenleaf</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">You
are most likely reading this blog because you have lost someone you love
to suicide. I am so very sorry for your loss, and I hope you are doing
all you can to take good care of yourself. Suicide loss can have quite
an impact on your sense of well-being, your self-esteem and your
physical health. It's very important to nurture yourself during these
difficult times while you recover from your loss.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">Some things you can do right away:</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">1)
Surround yourself with people who validate your loss. Steer clear of
the people who seem to be hurrying you through your grief, telling you
to "Buck up," "Get over it," and "Move on." Grief takes its own time.
There is no stopwatch for your loss. You will get through it in your own
way and on your own terms.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">2) While we may be living in the 21</span><sup><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">st</span></sup><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";"> century,
there is, unfortunately, still a great deal of stigma associated with
suicide. You are in a very emotionally fragile and vulnerable place
right now. Be careful to shield yourself from the many conflicting views
and opinions of others with regard to suicide. Don’t be afraid to stand
up for your loved one when others would prefer to condemn or criticize.
Not everyone is aware 90% of all suicides result from brain disorders,
including chronic depression.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">3)
Get plenty of rest, good food and quiet time. In other words, nourish
yourself, body and soul. This can be challenging because grief can
sometimes cause sleeplessness and lack of appetite. Yoga, meditation,
quiet walks, soothing music, gardening, dinners with close friends – all
of these can go a long way to helping you feel more centered and
grounded.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #1d1d1d; font-family: "times";">4)
Build a strong safety net for yourself. A safety net is comprised of
people you can trust to help you during an emotional crisis. A good team
would include: a qualified sudden death bereavement therapist; a
licensed psycho-pharmacologist to dispense any needed medications for
anxiety, depression or insomnia; a weekly or monthly suicide loss
survivor support group; and friends who are good at listening and being
there for you. The stronger your safety net, the shorter distance you
fall during difficult times.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";">5)
Consider getting yourself screened for PTSD. You may have witnessed the
suicide or walked in on a completed suicide, the shock of which can
cause PTSD. But you should know that just receiving the news can be
enough to propel some people into PTSD. Symptoms include: preoccupation
or shell-shocked state; agitation, hyper-vigilance, time distortion,
anxiety attacks, insomnia, intrusive thoughts, dissociation, and
flashbacks. There are very effective treatments for PTSD. Don’t be
afraid to get screened and get the help you need and deserve.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "times";">6)
Lastly, don’t be afraid to speak up. Communities often need lots of
educating when it comes to suicide prevention and/or postvention. When
you are feeling strong enough, help your community step into the light
of awareness. Ask your town library to carry books about brain
disorders. Suggest your local high school offer talks on suicide
prevention for its students. Your involvement may not only be rewarding
and gratifying for you, but more than likely will save lives.</span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-49610667548458553272017-03-04T10:51:00.000-08:002017-03-06T09:03:16.839-08:00The Invisible Witness: How To Help A Person Who Has Witnessed A Public Suicide<h2 class="ai-postheader" style="background-color: #f4f3ee; color: #783032; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; line-height: 1em; margin: 6px 0px; padding: 0px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 1px 1px 1px;">
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By Catherine Greenleaf</div>
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THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED ON THE GRIEF TOOLBOX WEBSITE. YOU CAN ACCESS THIS HELPFUL SITE AT WWW.THEGRIEFTOOLBOX.COM </div>
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A person is driving to work in the morning and suddenly sees a horrible sight. Someone has died by suicide. Witnessing the self-inflicted violence and death of another human being can be extremely emotionally traumatizing.</div>
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It is important to understand it makes no difference whether you know the person or if he or she is a complete stranger. You can still be traumatized and you may need help to get through the grief you will experience.</div>
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Part of the reason for the confusion about getting help is that people who witness a public suicide (these people are referred to as “witness survivors”), have been marginalized for decades. They are often also referred to as “The Invisible Witness.”</div>
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Until recently, there has been no form of support or outreach for witness survivors. Society and its outdated attitudes of shame and secrecy toward suicide have certainly contributed to the lack of helping resources in the past. But, fortunately, that is changing.</div>
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The other contributing factor has been the negligible amount of research done regarding the witness to a public suicide. This appalling lack of scholarly work into the plight of the witness survivor means there is little or no trickle-down effect from researchers to psychiatrists, therapists, and counselors. Unfortunately, these helpers on the front lines delivering resources are being left in the dark when it comes to the particular needs of the witness survivor.</div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , "geneva" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The other factor is a logistical one. Witness survivors often see a public suicide but do not stop. Instead they continue driving or walking, which means they miss the opportunity to interact with law enforcement, EMTS, paramedics, or other witnesses. Interaction with these individuals can potentially result in recognition of emotional trauma and lead to getting help.</span><br />
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The other challenge is a general lack of acknowledgement by the witness survivors themselves concerning the potential emotional effects of what they have seen. Perhaps people have become so accustomed to violence in the movies and on television, it doesn’t occur to them that witnessing a suicide could have serious potential effects like developing post-traumatic stress disorder.</div>
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That’s why outreach and education are so important. When a witness survivor reaches out for help, they can be screened for anxiety disorder, depression and PTSD and be given the treatment they need so they can heal.</div>
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HOW YOU CAN HELP</div>
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Imagine you are at work when a fellow employee walks into the office. He sits down at his desk and puts his head in his hands. He seems agitated, unnerved and upset. You ask him, “Are you okay?” and he answers, “I don’t know. I just saw someone kill themselves."</div>
1. Do not marginalize his experience by downplaying the ordeal. He has witnessed a terrifying sight that can lead to anxiety disorder, chronic depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Instead validate his experience and make it clear it’s okay to have feelings of shock, confusion, sadness and even anger.<br />
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2. This is not a time for wisecracks or jokes. Often a person will make humorous remarks about a situation because they themselves are uncomfortable. If you feel uncomfortable about what a work acquaintance has witnessed, get help for yourself. Allow the witness survivor to embrace the gravity and seriousness of what he has just seen.</div>
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3. Don’t tell the person to “buck up and get over it.” Urging a person to repress emotional trauma can later result in anxiety disorder and chronic depression. It can also make the witness survivor feel abnormal because of the intensity of the feelings he is likely to have about the suicide. Let him know that witnessing a suicide would upset anyone.</div>
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4. Don’t walk away without offering help. Let him know there are resources available for witnesses to a public suicide. Tell him it doesn’t matter that the person was a complete stranger, and that talking about his experience with a trained professional can be very helpful.</div>
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5. Don’t forget about him. Keep checking in with him. Weeks or months may go by before he realizes the potential psychological impact of what he has seen. Your gentle reminders that he deserves to take care of himself may be just what he needs to make an appointment to sit down and talk with a counselor.</div>
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The most important thing you can do is to be willing to bear witness to the person’s suffering. Let them know, in a calm manner, that you see him in his grief and that you are not there to fix him or his situation. This is a way of communicating your trust in his own inner resilience to get through the loss. Be willing to listen, and stay open to different methods of grieving.</div>
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Copyright 2012<br />
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-63210353535609829852016-11-02T10:18:00.000-07:002016-11-02T10:18:18.881-07:00Tips For Surviving The Holidays After Suicide Loss<div style="margin: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">As suicide </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">loss survivors, we can often dread the holiday season. Christmas music tells us to be jolly, but sometimes our grief is too heavy and we just can’t work up the enthusiasm. However, by giving ourselves permission to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">take care of ourselves, we can take control and feel self-empowered – regardless of what the relatives may say. Here are some tips to help you along:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #1 – The most important thing you can do this holiday season, or at any time, is to put yourself with safe people who validate your loss.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #2 – Avoid becoming overwhelmed. Don’t feel you have to accept every holiday party invitation you receive. Pick and choose.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #5 – Be a chipper! To make life more manageable, steadily chip away at your holiday gift list. Instead of attempting to buy all your gifts in one trip to </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">the mall, chunk it down into several smaller trips. This will help you avoid the last-minute “rush.”</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #6 – Use the internet or mail-order catalogs to shop if driving to busy stores or malls unnerves you.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #7 – Try to make wrapping gifts a pleasant experience. Put on the holiday music, make yourself a cup of cocoa, eat a candy cane, and wrap.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #8 – As with any activity, if you feel overwhelmed, then put everything away for another day.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #9 – The temptation to overindulge will be great. Keep in mind that alcohol is a depressant. Too much sugar can make some people emotional and even weepy. Dark chocolate sweets can keep some people awake all night.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Tip #10 - The average American can gain 5-10 pounds over the course of the holiday season, which can be very depressing. Moderation is key. Eat before you </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">arrive so you won’t nibble all night. Find interesting people to take your mind off food.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">For more holiday survival tips, you can order the book: Inspirational Stories of Handling The Holidays After Loss at www.opentohope.com.</span><br />
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-13805324294624245022016-10-06T06:29:00.002-07:002016-10-06T06:31:09.666-07:00It's Okay To Cry<div style="color: #333333; margin: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 16px;">by Catherine Greenleaf</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 16px;">Why is the ability to cry so vital to our recovery from the grief of suicide loss?</span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: times, 'times new roman', serif; font-size: large; line-height: 16px;">Crying, lamenting, sobbing and wailing -- all of these allow us to discharge our pain so we can heal. The sadness and despair, when repressed, don't just disappear. Instead, they go underground in your psyche where the pain, unfortunately, intensifies. The feelings are not gone, they are merely buried alive. They then re-emerge at a later time and can cause chronic stress, depression, stomach ulcers, and even a nervous breakdown.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">One of the unexpectedly wonderful aspects of crying is that expressing our grief allows us to experience the strength of our aliveness. Our tears let us know we were truly connected to another and that the love we felt was real. Crying releases us from our grief and reaffirms our ability to love and be loved.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You may find some people in your life trying to discourage you from crying. We have all grown up with warnings about not being a "crybaby" or that "real men don't cry." However, crying is the most natural thing in the world for humans to do. Studies show that real healing takes place when we give ourselves permission to cry. I'm sure you've often heard people say they needed a good cry and how much better they felt afterward.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If the people in your life are making you feel uncomfortable about crying, here are a few tips I have tried in order to feel safe shedding tears.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">1. Get in the car. Alone. Take a drive. You can cry all you like in private. You can play music on the radio or your favorite CDs.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">3. Get outside. Take a walk by yourself. Wear sunglasses. You can cry while you walk and no one will be the wiser.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">4. Get in the pool. Start swimming. You can cry underwater and no one will figure it out.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">If you want to cry, but the tears just won't come, you can try these tearjerker movies to get the waterworks running: </span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-51975527825865737962014-09-24T12:32:00.000-07:002015-12-04T07:34:19.227-08:00An Irish Blessing For You...Beannacht (Irish Blessing)<br />
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On the day when the weight deadens<br />
on your shoulders and you stumble,<br />
may the day dance to balance you.<br />
And when your eyes freeze behind the grey window<br />
and the ghost of loss gets into you,<br />
may a flock of colors,<br />
indigo, red, green<br />
and azure blue<br />
come to awaken in you a meadow of delight.<br />
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When the canvas frays in the curach of thought<br />
and a stain of ocean<br />
blackens beneath you,<br />
may there come across the waters<br />
a path of yellow moonlight<br />
to bring you safely home.<br />
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May the nourishment of the Earth be yours,<br />
may the clarity of light be yours.<br />
May the fluency of the ocean be yours,<br />
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.<br />
And so may a slow wind work these words<br />
of love around you,<br />
an invisible cloak<br />
to mind your life.<br />
<br />
John O'Donoghue<br />
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<br />Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-18349132673453925852013-01-28T13:18:00.003-08:002013-01-28T13:18:59.507-08:00Hiding Behind The Potted Geraniums <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; line-height: 24px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">By Catherine Greenleaf</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">After a suicide loss in the family, it is very typical to pull down all the shades in the house, lock the door, turn off the answering machine and do what is called "sitting behind the potted geraniums." </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In other words, we think sealing off the outside world will somehow protect us. From what? We can conjure up all kinds of reactions from the community in our minds. Perhaps they now think our entire family is "crazy," that there is something terribly wrong with us and we should be avoided, that somehow suicide is contagious and will spread to others should they have contact with us. It is terrifying to think of re-entering the community and experiencing people's "verdict" over your family situation.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The sad part is we are the ones thinking these thoughts. We make up these scenarios in our own minds and scare ourselves into isolation. It is true that some people do not understand suicide loss and grief and we will meet with the occasional person who makes insensitive comments. But we are living in a world now where people are more savvy about the devastating effects of sudden loss, including suicide. Most of the people we encounter will be enormously compassionate and understanding. However, hiding inside a dark house will not help us to meet any of these nice people.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Usually it's our own guilt and shame that compel us into hiding away from the community. For years, I carried guilt that I had somehow said or done something to make my loved one choose suicide. Staying inside the house was my way of avoiding the possibility that someone would point the finger and say: "He died because of something you did." I'll be darned if I know what that "something" was. However, when you are in the throes of suicide grief you don't see the absurdity of that type of thinking. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The truth is, suicide is never the fault of anyone but the person who chooses it. No one has that much control over another person. There is no need to feel guilt or shame about your loved one's death. Suicide is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and/or a lifetime of not being able to employ the skills necessary to cope with adversity and conflict.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Things are bad enough without adding to the pain of sudden loss of someone you love. We can let go of the guilt and start moving in a more positive direction. The time is now for nurturing yourself. You have been dealt a devastating blow. Be good to yourself. Give yourself time to heal. No, life will never be the same. But you are now on the path to what suicide loss survivors call "a new normal." Taking care of yourself will get you there a lot faster. Try opening a window blind and unlocking the door. Let people love you and take care of you. You are worth it.</span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-40093436516829647542012-12-29T11:16:00.000-08:002012-12-29T11:16:04.937-08:00Finding Our Center After A Suicide Loss<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">How do we keep it all together while grieving a suicide loss? Suicide is one of the most devastating forms of loss that exists. The mixture of suddenness, self-inflicted violence and police involvement can leave us with our minds and hearts shattered.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It's important to remember we are not the only ones who have lived through and survived such a horrific loss. We have many suicide loss survivors who have gone before us and they have blazed a trail of survivorship and healing for us. So, with that in mind, we take a look at some ways to get grounded during grief:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1. Don't isolate. Isolating magnifies the pain. This does not mean putting yourself with anybody you can find. A sense of discernment is required, which can be challenging. We need to put ourselves in the presence of people who care and understand, and who aren't going to try to rewrite history for us or tell us how we are supposed to be feeling.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2. Ask for help. Millions of people have lost loved ones to suicide. And while this is sad and unfortunate, it also tells us that many have survived such a loss. While it isn't easy, it is most certainly much harder to get through suicide loss alone. Asking for help, and getting it, is perhaps the strongest indicator that a person will be okay. Suicide loss survivor support groups, a sudden loss bereavement therapist, and private, small therapy groups can be a huge benefit.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3. Do only what you can do. Maybe you don't want to go to that office Christmas party. Don't! You are the best judge of how much you can handle. If the holidays are overwhelming you, create your own celebration at home with a close friend. During overwhelming times, less is more. Make sure to get lots of rest and sleep, eat healthy food and give yourself lots of time-outs!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4. Watch out for the mood altering substances. After a suicide loss, it can be very tempting to overdo it with alcohol, cigarettes, food, sex, work, shopping -- any compulsive activity prevents you from feeling your feelings. The addictions are merely symptoms for what's going on underneath: not wanting to feel the pain of the loss. This is where a therapist becomes crucial in guiding you through your grief.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">5. Steer clear of the critical people. Believe it or not, there will be some people out there who will condemn your loved one for dying by suicide. As if the pain isn't enough, you have someone in the neighborhood who thinks suicide is a sin or a crime. Please remember these people are ignorant, uneducated and foolish and they perpetuate the stigma connected with brain disorders. It is not your job during this tender time to reform them. Avoid them.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Above all, be true to yourself. And remember, suicide is the result of a chemical imbalance caused by a brain disorder. Suicide has nothing to do with what you said, didn't say, did, didn't do. It's time to start cutting yourself a break and learning to love yourself. Right now!</span></div>
Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-34177637374907014322012-12-20T15:44:00.000-08:002012-12-20T15:46:43.018-08:00Setting Boundaries During The Holidays<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The holiday times roll in, and suddenly it's so easy for me to overextend myself. Parties with co-workers, lunches with friends, get-togethers with relatives -- it all seems like so much fun in the beginning. Then I look at the calendar in bewilderment, noting that I don't have an evening to myself for two solid weeks!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It happens to all of us, but for suicide-loss survivors, there may be a tendency to overload to avoid the pain of spending the holidays without a loved one.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Know that you can always cancel. You don't have to be Superwoman or Superman during this most tender of times. I have learned I can say "yes." I can also say "no." I can even say "maybe," "I changed my mind," or "can I get back</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">to you?"</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Setting boundaries and limits helps me enjoy the holidays!</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-68163053015508543992012-12-07T17:28:00.000-08:002012-12-07T17:28:31.934-08:00The Gift of Desperation<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When we learn we have lost a loved one to suicide, we hit a level of despair few people will ever know or understand. That's why I refer to suicide loss in my book as high-voltage grief. Suicide loss tears every fiber that makes up the tapestry of our lives. The suddenness, the lack of warning (even with a history of previous attempts), the self-inflicted violence and the profound aftershocks (like depression, anxiety and PTSD) can put us into a state of mental anguish that makes day-to-day functioning very difficult.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">However, there is one silver lining in this very dark, grey cloud. And that is the gift of desperation.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Now why would I call desperation a gift? Because it forces us to our knees. It forces us to admit we are sinking and don't know what to do next. It forces us to realize we cannot travel this path of grief alone.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">It forces us to ask for help.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">In a society that prides itself on the concept of rugged individualism, asking for help can be seen as an act of weakness or even cowardice. But what do we do when faced with suffering beyond our capacity to resolve? We become humble. We surrender. We ask for help. Asking for help is our saving grace. Turning to others for support, help, information and encouragement is our way through and out the dark tunnel of suicide grief. Attending a suicide loss survivor support group, seeing a sudden loss bereavement therapist or participating in suicide loss group therapy are just three ways of reaching out and getting the guidance we need.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">People who need people, are, indeed, the luckiest people. It's where love begins.</span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-81641769898972258512012-12-01T14:40:00.000-08:002012-12-01T14:46:59.002-08:00When You Witness A Suicide<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">by Catherine Greenleaf</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">There are, unfortunately, instances in which a person dies by suicide in a public arena. If you have witnessed the suicide of a stranger in a public place, what should you do? Should you just continue on as you were before and brush the incident off? After all, you never met the person in question and don't even know the person's</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"> name.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">There is the time-worn adage, "a witness to violence is a victim of violence." Suicide is a form of self-inflicted violence and witnessing a suicide, whether you know the person or not, can be extremely traumatic. Trauma affects people in different ways. If you are experiencing any of the following, you might consider getting some help:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1. You avoid the area where you witnessed the suicide, even if it means taking longer to get to work, shopping, visiting family and friends. You experience overwhelming panic when approaching the area.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2. You are experiencing unusually violent dreams that upset you.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3. You are experiencing flashbacks around the suicide, e.g., certain smells, sounds and sights are coming back to you piecemeal and unnerving you.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4. You find time is distorted for you. You are late to appointments, early to lunch with a friend. You used to be able to tell what time it was without looking. Now you have no idea what time it will be when you look at your clock.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">7. You are spending more time alone eating or drinking alcohol.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">8. You can feel yourself starting to shut down emotionally. You are no longer sure how you feel about anything.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">9. You feel life has lost its lustre and you aren't sure what motivates you to get out of bed anymore.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">10.You are catching yourself being compulsive. You find you are having difficulty stopping certain activities like cleaning, working and hand washing.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">At the very least, a few visits to a sudden death bereavement therapist will help you clear up any feelings you might have about witnessing a suicide. The above list is only a partial one, but each item describes a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder or depression. In any case, it never hurts to ask for help!</span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com84tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-58743214990578955012011-12-13T11:25:00.000-08:002011-12-13T11:34:40.428-08:00Why We Neglect Ourselves After Suicide Loss<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', fantasy; font-size: large;">by Catherine Greenleaf</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">After losing someone we love to suicide, it is common for us to neglect ourselves. We do this by not eating, not getting enough sleep, repeatedly feeding ourselves negative messages, and not allowing ourselves to feel our feelings.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Why do we torture ourselves in this way? Because, for some reason, we feel guilt and shame around the suicide loss. We cycle endlessly through the same questions: what did I do wrong? what could I have done differently? what was it I said that made him/her do this? what was it I didn't say that made him/her do this?</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Because suicide is so sudden and so devastating, if we can't find the answer to why they did it, then we think we must be to blame. This is called "the logic of absurdity." That phrase was coined by Alice Miller, the author of the wonderful book "The Drama of the Gifted Child." In the midst of emotional trauma, we are often given to blaming ourselves for situations we had no control over. As we recover from the trauma, we realize we are not to blame. We realize we don't have, and have never had, enough power to make someone take their own lives. And as far as saving them just in the nick of time? We also realize we are not omniscient and not omnipotent. The qualities of omniscience and omnipotence are godlike qualities. And we are not God, we are merely human.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The other factor that contributes to our urge to neglect ourselves is the stigma society attaches to suicide. What we encounter the most from people in the community is referred to as "The Wall of Silence," according to suicide loss researchers. What we often extrapolate from this silence from others is unspoken condemnation -- that somehow we are flawed and our family is abnormal. Our self-esteem ends up so severely damaged, we sometimes end up believing these thoughts and willingly punish ourselves. None of it, of course, is true. Suicide can happen in any family and the loss does not make us abnormal. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">What is clear is that the Wall of Silence stems from people's fears of saying the wrong thing and upsetting us. So they say nothing. We are not being condemned. But we are being thrown under the bus, so to speak, by people's lack of education around suicide loss. What we need is a Wall of Support surrounding us.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">So, that means we can drop the guilt. We can drop the shame. And we can start nourishing ourselves. What a wonderful journey to be on! We give ourselves everything we need -- rest, nutritious food, sleep, calming music, invigorating exercise. We can go on vacations. We can go to a spa and get a massage! We can help our grief process by attending suicide loss survivor support group meetings. We can make new friends. And we can start sending ourselves positive messages of self-love. It feels good to finally be on our way -- back to ourselves!</span></span></div>
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</div>Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-56926368734434955862011-11-10T13:41:00.001-08:002012-12-01T14:52:13.438-08:00Are You In There? The Frustrations of Preoccupation<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">There are many downsides to preoccupation, which is a symptom of PTSD. When we are in a state of preoccupation, we are constantly distracted from what is going on in the present. This robs us of the opportunity for all the gifts of living in the moment -- joy, love, closeness, and especially the intimacy that grows between two people who care about one another.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Preoccupation prevents us from experiencing spontaneity, which is a big part of the enjoyment of life. Instead we are locked into a goose-step of just getting through the next day, looking for something to do that will interrupt the emotional pain we are feeling around the suicide loss. Please keep in mind this is not your typical multi-tasking. It's the mind's attempt to create a distraction from the trauma of devastating loss (such as suicide) and to numb out the pain by overloading the brain's circuits with an overabundance of conflicting activities.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">"Conflicting" is the operative word, because the two activities a preoccupied person chooses are often totally disparate and make no sense, such as watching T.V. while on the phone, reading a book while attending a conference, talking to someone while trying to dial out on a cell phone. What occurs inbetween these two disparate activities is an inability to comprehend or focus on anything. In this inbetween state, the person instead enjoys a numbed-out and pain-free period.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It is easy to see when someone is experiencing preoccupation:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1. They have a glazed or dulled look to their eyes or face.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2. They are standing right in front of you but seem to be a million miles away. (This is also referred to as being emotionally unavailable, which can destroy friendships and love relationships).</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3. You're never sure they just heard all of what you said to them. You may find yourself saying: "Yoo-hoo. Earth to Mary. Did you hear what I just said?"</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4. They are usually fidgeting for something to do, and will often attempt to read a newspaper or use their cell phone while talking to you.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">5. They tend to walk into walls, doors and furniture because they don't have their full attention to keep them on guard.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Preoccupation can be dangerous. A person with preoccupation has a delayed response to stimuli, and so will be slower to react while driving on the highway or crossing a busy street.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">But the biggest loss is the inability to stay present for the people you love. This can have damaging and longlasting consequences for all of your personal relationships.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">If you feel you are caught in preoccupation mode, reaching out to qualified professionals can help you regain control over your emotions and your life.</span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-59074342994264772732011-10-10T12:10:00.000-07:002012-12-01T14:52:37.027-08:00Preoccupation -- Dealing With An Annoying Symptom of PTSD<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">by Catherine Greenleaf</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Preoccupation -- we all know what it's like to have our mind in one place and our body in another. Have you ever said to someone: "Huh? What did you just say?" This can happen when you're in a roomful of people and in the middle of conversation and for some reason you just drift off in your own mind. It's as if you're a million miles away from everyone else in the room. Some people call it daydreaming, and it is human nature to think and dwell upon possibilities in life. That is part of how we plan to attain our goals. However, when your preoccupation is due to trauma like suicide loss, the effect can be quite the opposite and can impact the quality of your life.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Veterans of war call it being "shell-shocked." When World War I, II, and Viet Nam veterans returned from battle, they often presented with the symptom of appearing to be in a daze. This preoccupation, or splitting of the mind and body is a very normal and natural reaction to trauma. The brain is attempting to heal itself from devastating loss and grief. What the brain does is fixate on two things at once, such as vaccuming the rug while talking on the phone, watching TV while reading a magazine, eating a sandwich while getting dressed. This is not what we think of as modern-day multi-tasking. Dwelling in this inbetween state of doing one thing and thinking of something completely different is very effective at stopping painful emotions and memories from coming to the surface.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In some ways, preoccupation is very similar to OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Any compulsive activity prevents a person from feeling emotions. This is why after a suicide loss, surviving friends and family talk about mopping the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. or cleaning out all the closets in the house again and again. They are seeking solace from the overwhelming pain this type of sudden loss can bring.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Preoccupation can prevent you from living life in the moment. It can rob you of your spontaneity and enjoyment of life's many joys. If you feel you are suffering from preoccupation that just doesn't seem to be lifting, you can seek assistance from a qualified sudden death bereavement therapist. There are several modalities that can be quite useful in treating this symptom of PTSD, like EMDR and other types of neuro-linguistic programming, as well as amino acid therapy.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The bottom line is this: you are not alone in your grief. There are many people who have experienced the disorientation of preoccupation after a tragic loss and found ways to combat this annoying and perturbing symptom. The key is asking for help and putting yourself in the hands of a qualified professional so you can get some relief.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Read more about preoccupation and the other symptoms of PTSD in my book: Healing The Hurt Spirit: Daily Affirmations For People Who Have Lost a Loved One to Suicide at www.healingthehurtspirit.com.</span>Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-39496978448126751422011-07-19T14:27:00.000-07:002012-12-01T14:55:24.595-08:00Why Are Daily Positive Affirmations So Important?<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">What's the big deal about positive affirmations, really? Actually, it is a really BIG deal. The way you think, about yourself, and about your life, determines what kind of experiences you will have. We manifest our fate every step of the way, through our dreams, imaginings, projections, and expectations. But most especially it's how and what we think about ourselves that determines how happy we will be.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Researchers have conclusively shown that when we think positive thoughts, we enjoy enormous short-term and long-term benefits. So, if faced with a choice of positive or negative thoughts, why not go with positive and see what happens? It's like seeing your glass half full instead of half empty. The glass has the same amount of water in it either way. So why not see the glass as half full?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Positive affirmations are thoughts and sayings you can repeat to yourself out loud or silently in your head. Positive affirmations are designed to help uplift your mind, body and soul. Instead of putting yourself down every time you make a mistake, imagine telling yourself nice things, like: "It's okay to make mistakes," or, "Who I am is good and I'm good enough."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Unfortunately, as suicide loss survivors, we can end up flooded with negative messages. Usually these are messages we send ourselves, about not being good enough, not being a good parent, spouse, child, etc. Then if we do get criticism from family or relatives, we internalize it with more negative statements about ourselves. The damage this negativity does to our self-esteem and self-worth is incalculable. But with practice, we can control our thoughts and improve our sense of well-being.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">I was mired in negativity after the suicide death of my loved one. I couldn't even drop a fork on the floor at dinnertime without calling myself "stupid." I was miserable and knew I needed a radical shift in my life. That was when I was introduced to the power of positive affirmations.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">How to get started: Start listening to the "committee" in your head. Are you constantly criticizing yourself, calling yourself names, putting yourself down? If that is the case, you don't need anyone to degrade or humiliate you -- you are already doing it to yourself!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">The key with positive affirmations is repetition. The more your subconscious mind hears positive words, the more these thoughts will manifest in your life. It is always exciting to start noticing for the first time when your positive thoughts start to outweigh your negative thoughts. Although this may take a while, and require persistence and commitment, the pay-off is well worth all the work!</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Try this: for the first several weeks that you try out affirmations, call yourself "Sweetie." When you drop something on the floor, say, "It's okay, Sweetie." When you forget something and have to come all the way back home, say to yourself, "It's okay, Sweetie." If you do this long enough, the positive in your subconscious will start to outweigh the negative and you will start to feel better about yourself and the world around you.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You will start to notice your relationships getting better -- much better! Healthier and more encouraging people will literally start to show up, and more importantly, you will start to notice them! When we were once mired in negatitivy we didn't even notice when someone nice was around because we were too busy being cynical and pessimistic about our chances of finding someone nice. But the affirmation: "I deserve unconditional love at all times," will get you to a new and wonderful relationship very quickly.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Besides love relationships, positive affirmations create improvement in dealing with family members, bosses and co-workers on the job, friendships, dealings with neighbors, as well as any dreams you have for yourself in the future. Positive affirmations help us get through disappointment, rejection, and deep grief and keep us looking forward to living life in the moment.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Please remember, after a suicide loss the last thing we need to do is beat up on ourselves. This is a healing time for you, a time to nourish yourself and treat yourself well as you recover from your grief.</span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-80322098725776909532011-06-20T09:51:00.001-07:002012-12-01T14:57:07.092-08:00How Journaling Can Help You Heal From Suicide Grief<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Journaling is a very powerful method of healing. The visceral act of writing words down on paper can assist you in releasing pent-up sadness, anger and grief. After my loss, I had so many conflicting emotions. I wasn't sure what to do with them all. My suicide bereavement therapist suggested I go down to the local pharmacy and buy myself a spiral-bound notebook. She said, "Write down how you feel." I started quite simply by writing one or two lines a day, stating what I was doing that day and how I was feeling. My journal turned out to be my best buddy. I poured all my anger, resentment, bitterness, hatred, confusion and despair into the pages of my journal. I ended up with thirteen journals!!!!! But I had released so many negative emotions, and in the process, I felt lighter and freer and more willing to start moving on in my life again.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">In my journal, I wrote many "anger letters" to my loved one. These letters asked him: why did you leave me? why did you choose such a method to die? did you ever stop and think how I would be affected by your leaving not to mention the method? I got all the anger and rage out of my system by writing these letters to him. With every letter I wrote him, I felt more and more peace of mind. My rage transitioned to anger and then the anger transitioned to a resigned acceptance. The best part is the high-voltage emotional charge was gone. I had successfully exorcised the demons of my grief. I believe writing -- journaling, poetry, music -- all of it is cathartic and can help us release stored-up toxic emotions.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">What I discovered as I wrote was that the worst part of my grief was the feeling of abandonment. We had done everything together. We were inseparable. We approached all our challenges together and dealt with them as a team. Once he left, I felt terribly abandoned and betrayed. But as I continued to write about my life I realized I had always had abandonment issues. With that realization I could no longer blame him for something that was part of my past. That understanding brought great freedom and relief.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">It's important to remember that this is YOUR journal. You don't have to share it with anyone (although I have read a few "breakthrough" passages to my therapist over the years.) Keep your journal in a private, secret place that no one can find. Your writing is sacred and no one has the right to violate your privacy and read your words unless you give permission. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Today, my journal is part of my morning ritual. Each morning, I sit down with my hot cup of green tea and my journal. With my little dog lying at my feet, I write down how I am feeling AND I TELL THE TRUTH. When someone on the street stops and asks, "How are you?" it's always very tempting to just say: "Oh, I'm fine," and walk away. But with a journal I can be completely honest. After such a devastating loss, I found I was hungry for honesty -- from myself and from others in my life. My journal keeps me honest </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">-- and free of pent-up emotions.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Interestingly enough, those 13 journals ended up turning into my book, Healing The Hurt Spirit!</span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8779435165056584064.post-42929303734364102372011-02-06T14:37:00.003-08:002012-12-01T14:57:30.251-08:00Creating Your Comfort Zone<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">One way to help yourself through the grief process is to g<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;">ive yourself the gift of a "comfort zone." This is a corner of your house or apartment where you feel safe and comfortable. It is an area where you know that when you close the door, you have privacy and quiet.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">1) Figure out where your safe corner is. Put your favorite comfy chair in this corner, preferably by a window so you can enjoy the antics of the birds outside and feel the breeze through the screen window during the warmer months.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">2) Surround your favorite chair with treasured mementos -- photos of pleasurable trips, colorful pillows, crystals, and lush, green plants. You can even put a comfy crocheted afghan nearby to cover your legs when you're chilly.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">3) Things to avoid. You'll want to avoid the TV, telephone, radio and computer during this time. All of these serve to distract you with busy work, interrupt you with other people's concerns, or upset you with violent news. </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">4) Spend at least 15 minutes each morning in your comfort zone. Even this small amount of time can carry you psychologically through the entire day. Make yourself a hot mug of cocoa or a cup of green tea. Invite your pet dog or cat to come sit with you while you relax.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">5) Put on some music. Classical music is often soothing. So is New Age music. Experiment with different composers and sounds until you find the music that brings you serenity.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">6) Create a ritual during your 15 minutes. Sip on your tea. Read your favorite positive affirmation lists or spiritual books. Start a journal. Write down all your deepest thoughts. Write a gratitude list.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">Make this "comfort zone" a place you can come to any time you are feeling overwhelmed and in need of a time-out to think. If you can create this zone and use it regularly you will boost your self-esteem, because you will be doing something nourishing for you -- for your peace of mind and for the fulfillment of your soul. You will gain clarity around your challenges and the answers will come easier and faster. This will be your opportunity to listen to, and develop trust in, that still small voice inside of you -- the voice that will always tell you the truth -- no matter what is going on.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;">You are worth taking care of! You deserve to heal!</span></span></div>
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Healing From Suicide Losshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17129256609304370765noreply@blogger.com0